Whether one has been widowed or divorced, learning to love and to commit once more requires deep faith in the value of marriage. Where children are concerned, this faith is well-founded; new studies indicate that children whose parents have remarried fare almost as well as children whose parents never divorced. Even so, there are potential pitfalls which, if they are not acknowledged, prepared for and dealt with, can present overwhelming challenges to a new relationship.
In her new book, REmarried with Children; Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family, Barbara LeBey (author of Family Estrangements) outlines these potential pitfalls, and presents concrete, workable suggestions for facing these challenges. As an attorney and former judge, LeBey is painfully aware of the 'dark side' of families torn apart, yet her new book is filled with hope and wisdom, drawn from both extensive interviews and her own family's experience.
This book is a must-read, especially for stepfamilies that include alienated children. As Pamela Hoch recently told Barbara Lebey, "Your chapters on alienation are among the best I've ever read, and you've effectively covered many difficult topics with clarity and skill." We are pleased to put REmarried with Children on Rachel's Bookshelf, and heartily recommend that you either add it to yours or encourage your local public library to obtain a copy. (Published by Bantam Dell, ISBN: 0-533-80321-2)
From the author's website: (which includes ordering information) http://www.barbaralebey.com
Barbara LeBey’s books focus on family relationships and how to make them
work. Her current book ReMarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully
Blending and Extending Your Family addresses the problems of stepparents,
particularly those of the stepmother, fade-out fathers, ex-spouses,
grandparents, as well as addressing legal and financial issues pertinent to
blended families. She draws on extensive interviews and new research to help
stepparents, parents, and their children navigate the most common problems for
stepfamilies: unreasonable expectations, divided loyalties and guilt.
The response to her first book, Family Estrangements, has been wonderful,
and clearly demonstrated the need for guidance in this troublesome area of
family life.
Barbara LeBey is a lawyer, former judge, and wife, mother and grandmother. Her
heartfelt and honest advice is offered to ordinary people who must face the
complexities of family life every day.
From the book's inside flap:
It's the most daunting task many parents will ever face: bringing two growing
families together into one brand new marriage. But even though statistics show
that most remarriages are at high risk--especially when there are kids
involved--more and more people are learning how to make them work and more and
more kids are coming out of them with their psyches and souls intact. This
honest and hopeful book looks at those successes--and at some failures--to show
what they have in common: ten essential secrets that are at the heart of a
healthy blended family.
As a stepparent with six children in a blended family, Barbara LeBey draws on
her own family's hard-won success, as well as on extensive interviews and new
research to show how to navigate the stresses, sticking points, pitfalls and
perils most couples don't even anticipate. Starting with her first controversial
secret--that the new marriage comes first, even before the demands of the
children--LeBey debunks prevalent stepfamily myths and anticipates common traps.
(Among them, money issues, warring stepsiblings, and destructive exes.) A strong
advocate for children (including how to guard against fade-out parenting), she
also suggests ways that in-laws, schools, and the legal system itself could
provide better support for blended families. REmarried with Children is
an expert, compassionate, down-to-earth book to turn to over and over again for
advice, support and sanity.
Key topics include how to:
-Meet your children's and stepchildren's needs--without letting them undermine
your new marriage
-Understand the new roles, new rules, and the new relationships for children and
stepchildren of a blended family
-Deal with angry and/or manipulative exes--without adding fuel to the fire
-Handle key decisions about finances, religion, traditions, behavior and
discipline
-Maintain healthy relationships with your children's grandparents--and other
relatives--from a previous marriage
-Recognize warning signs of trouble ahead--and get the help you need
